Friday, June 30, 2006

On Internet Dating, Part 3

See Part 1, Part 2. Denis came to visit me in November of 2002. It didn't take long for me to receive an email from him after his return home. He wrote that he had a wonderful time, he thought I was a great person, it was lonely being back in his house alone. He gushed enough that I could tell that he was interested in seeing where this relationship would go. This was all very flattering to me and I started taking an inventory of what I knew about him. I reread all the emails from him that I still had access to and I noticed a few things. He had a good sense of humor - dry, just the way I like it. A couple of his email comments made me laugh out loud. He had similar taste in movies and music as I do. Beyond compatibility issues, he lived a life of integrity. He was a responsible person. He took his time to make decisions and sought advice. All these things earned my respect and I decided not to make a snap decision based on my first reactions. I would not rule him out because of his age or his height.

So began the "dating". Our emails became more familiar and frequent. Denis was contemplating moving to Oregon so that we could really pursue the relationship. He spoke with his pastor who advised him to wait until we spent more time together. (earned more points for seeking godly counsel.) This was kind of frustrating, though, because it was a bit of a catch 22. Can't spend more time together until we are together.... So I planned a trip to Minnesota as soon as was feasible, March. Four months of emails getting friendlier and friendlier. As my trip came closer, I started realizing that I didn't know anything about Denis that he hadn't told me. That made me a bit nervous. I had never been in the car with him driving (you can tell a lot about someone from the way they drive). He told me that he played the guitar, but I didn't know if he was any good or if he just thought he was good. I didn't know if his friends and coworkers respected him or if they thought he was a bit strange... So I had an agenda to accomplish when I visited him in March.

Here's another strange thing about email. People tend to say things in emails that they wouldn't say in person. You don't feel the normal boundaries when you are not looking someone in the face. So when March finally came, it was really strange. We had been writing as if we were dating. And it was really awkward to be face to face. I also had my agenda of fact-checking to do, so I was evaluating him as we went along... It took a couple of days to start to feel normal again. Also, it felt like there was a lot of pressure to decide if this was serious enough to have Denis move. Well, Denis passed the test with flying colors. All my apprehensions were unfounded. He is a safe driver - doesn't get road rage or speed. His coworkers and friends all think he is the best thing since sliced bread. I could tell they were really happy to meet me and they talked him up big time!

So after my week was over visiting him, we decided that it was a go for Denis to start looking for a job in Medford. He realized that since I was moving to be near my mom, but he didn't have anything significant tying him to Minnesota, that it was more reasonable for him to move. ( I think that was very sacrificial of him to do. Isn't there something in the Bible about that?) There were two more visits back and forth. My house was being built at the time and I started to consider making some changes with Denis in mind. (we were not engaged yet, mind you... we had yet only spent three solid weeks together). Hmmm... should I plan on a man being here??? So I started ask the contractors, what would you want in your garage, in your house, outdoors? and did things accordingly. Denis was in town when I picked out the lighting fixtures. I would pick two that I liked and I would go with the one that he liked best. It seemed like a good compromise.

So.... drumroll, please. We both moved to Medford in July of 2003. I flew out to drive back with him when he moved as I was between jobs at the time. Denis got a job at the same hospital as I did. He lived in an apt. about 3 blocks away. He proposed in September and we were married December 31, 2003. And they lived happily ever after. The End.


Priscilla said...

It sounds like it was all done very wisely. What a cool story. I love the pictuer. I want to see more pictures!

You both sound like wonderful people!

lm1 said...

WOW I am so glad that you shared i didn't know any of that...kinda sad deary... i am the best bud aside from your hub. :)
mmmmm oh well ... haven't herd from you in mmmm 3 days... whats new...LOL. with a big hardy har har too.

Tracy said...

True, I didn't tell many people about what was going on until after my visit to MN, I think. I was kind of embarrassed at the time, but I'm over it now. People love to hear the story, so I'm happy to oblidge.

In fact, when I took Denis to church with me, no one even really noticed him. I did introduce him to my friends who were sitting around us, but didn't make any big deal of who he was, so they don't really recall meeting him that time.

I started telling my friends as my first trip to visit him was getting closer.

Ruth said...

That was such a lovely story. Thanks for sharing it. I'm so glad you and Denis found each other.

Nixter said...

cool story Tracy thanks for sharing it with us ;)